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He’d been looking for her and yet when she turned toward him, he felt hesitation. Her tail was wagging and her demeanor seemed pleasant. She even dropped a fish at his feet, offering it to him. “Oh, uh, yes … thank you,” he replied, moving the fish with his paws a bit as she asked what it was he wanted to talk about. She’d offered him more than just a fish. It was an excuse to not answer right away. It was a distraction for him to fiddle with as he mustered up the courage to go through with his thoughts. Looking at the fish for a second more, he lowered his head and picked at it with his teeth, quickly pulling it apart to eat. It was too late to go back now. He’d already said he was here to talk to her… and he wasn’t a coward. That’s what he told himself. Besides what was the worst that could happen when he’d spilled all his thoughts? She could leave. She could be angry. She might resent me. His heart began to beat faster. It only took a moment for him to eat the fish but his thoughts were racing; and the fish was quickly disappearing. He could only eat it for so long. He could only put off the inevitable for so long. The fish was gone. It was time. He lifted his head, his ears forward with a moment of confidence as his eyes looked directly for hers. It was only a moment as he tried to meet her gaze and then just as quickly as he hoped to find it, his eyes darted away. He took a breath and spoke. How did he tell her? “I think…” he started and then paused as he wondered if the words were right. “I’m tired of searching.” He finally said it. He looked back to her, hoping she’d understand. But how was he supposed to tell a mother to stop searching for her child? It wasn’t as simple as it seemed. It wasn’t about being tired. It wasn’t an inconvenience. It was something else. But he couldn’t find the words at first to explain. “That’s not exactly what I mean,” he added thoughtfully. “I mean… if you ask it of me… I would help you search until the trees grow tall enough to touch the moon. If you ask it of me, I will follow.” How was he supposed to explain to her what he meant? “But…” the word hung heavily in the air with a long drawn out pause as he looked at her with a pleading face. “... what happens when you don’t find what you’re searching for? I want more for us. I want more than heartache and longing. ” |
A Small Flame Burns a Bright Candle