Muddy River — The Shape of Dreams

The closest emotion Enya felt when she finally looked at Caedwyn was relief. Not relief because he hadn't lashed out, exactly, but relief because he was still standing there. He hadn't taken the opportunity to turn his back on her again. He didn't look particularly wounded by her words, though she could see something echoing in his eyes and on his facial features. What, she couldn't say. She wasn't skilled at reading others' emotions so delicately, and she certainly did not possess any sort of magic that would allow her to do as such. "I can love you" he spoke softly, then went on to explain that last time he had been with someone, it was under the influence of alcohol. Inwardly, she laughed. Alcohol was such a dangerous drug. Outwardly, she remained careful and cautious. She was feeling more vulnerable and fragile than ever. He moved to readjust his stance, moved to look her in the eyes, and declared that he had chosen her. He had always chosen her. She wondered just how long Caedwyn had lurked in the shadows with these emotions withheld. She wondered how her life might have been different if she hadn't accepted Andromache's proclamation. What would her life look like if she had never accepted Rin into her heart. Weak of Will a distant voice whispered into her mind. The voice was so sudden and jarring that it made her visibly perk her ears. Weak of Will? Did the voice mean she was weak of Will? She shook her head to rid herself of the thoughts and refocused once more on Caedwyn. Fuck off, voice, she thought, to try and dismiss it.  "Can you love me back?" he suddenly asked her, helping to rid herself fully of the voice. There was no quiver in his tone. There was no uncertainty. He continued, and Enya picked up on what he was really asking her. 'Can you forget Rin' was his real question.  Weak of Will that same distant voice whispered into her mind once more. Who the hell was this voice whispering to her in a moment like this? The voice was feminine, she deciphered, but it was no voice she could remember hearing ever before. She took the briefest moment of time to glance around them as Caedwyn turned his own eyes about to see if there was some other wolf spying on them. At the same time, she focused on her water element to touch the creatures in the vicinity. She found plenty of life in the plants and bugs and vermin about, waking for their night time strolls, but not a single wolf, not a single canid, for that matter.  "You don't know if Rin is ever coming back. Are you willing to throw away someone who is here now right in front of you? Someone who wants to love you all for a memory?" No, she quickly decided. She wasn't willing to throw away someone who wanted to offer her a life of love and affection, of security and peace. She didn't want to let this chance slip her by. And yet, when she started to open her muzzle to say as much, she lost the words as they came from her mouth. She'd clearly started to say something, but her muzzle clamped shut with not a single syllable leaving her. She stopped, because in that moment, she envisioned Rin. She envisioned his smoky soot colored pelt. She envisioned the mark on his head, the dates that they had, the care he offered her.  Weak of Will! The voice now boomed in her mind, demanding her attention and causing her to look skywards. Who the fuck was YELLING into her brain in this moment?! More memories poured through her mind's eye suddenly: Rin's demon form attacking her and nearly ripping off a leg. Andromache cowering from his demon and Enya forced to save her from the onslaught. Rin's lost memory as he laid up in a medical den, forgetting who he was and equally who she and Andromache were. Rin's brother, who he had abandoned for a life in the pack beside her. Lastly, Rin's face was presented, frozen in stone, staring out into the desert dunes forever. WEAK OF WILL! The voice boomed once more, nearly deafening Enya.  This voice wasn't accusing her of having a weak Will, she pieced together as the pictures flashed by. This voice was accusing Rin of being weak of Will. Was... was this Tsillah talking to her? She felt a laughter in her mind, saw a flash of a black-faced wolf dressed up in dripping tar with eyes as white as the stars above. She grinned, and between her teeth was what she assumed was a soul.  It was swallowed whole.  Outwardly, Enya took a moment to answer Caedwyn's question. The pause had been longer than she had intended. "He was the only one of the family who was frozen in stone. None of the children, not myself, nor Andromache had suffered such a fate. Not you, either." she acknowledged, looking at Caedwyn with renewed admiration. "I don't think he's ever coming back." she confessed. "And I'm not going to let a memory hold me back. That's not how Tsillah would want me to prove my worth to her." She took a step forward, to close the distance between them once more. She lingered, her muzzle pointed upwards just a breath from his own. "It would be weak of me to let him hold me back from something that could be beautiful." She touched his muzzle gently with the side of hers, not a kiss, but a soft, tender brush of affection. She was risking it all, opening herself to Caedwyn. She had to trust that he wouldn't rip her heart out and stomp all over it. Maybe he would. Maybe eventually what was blossoming would wilt away. She was willing to give it chance. She was willing to test herself, to let herself have another chance at a happy life. She'd been ready with Meliodas, despite the surface level affection. She was most certainly ready to test the waters with Caedwyn, a wolf who openly admitted to being willing to love her back.  This evening had been a test, and admission, and a trial all rolled into one long-awaited event. It was a risk she was willing to take with him. "I'm confident I can love you back." she whispered, feeling deep down inside that perhaps the feeling had already been growing within her since their very first meeting together. A repressed feeling, but a feeling nonetheless, one that creeped up inside her more than once when they'd spent time together. Perhaps not love yet, but it was only a matter of time. "I will give my whole heart to you to hold. Please, keep it safe and secure."  "Speech."