Muddy River — The Shape of Dreams

He was relieved when she confirmed that they were in it together. He let out a long breath of relief, realizing he'd had it pent up inside while he waited on her reply. Unfortunately, his relief was short lived as she continued, going on to explain how she thought she was unworthy and even going beyond that to explain that she was still in love with Rin. Caedwyn didn't expect her to suddenly fall head-over-heels for him, but it angered him to hear her confess her love for Rin so openly in front of him (despite him telling her not to hide anything only moments before). "Fuck that guy." He thought angrily. Caedwyn had met Rin in Athadia long before Enya had. He'd shared a drunken night of fun and games with the male, but it was a far stretch to say they were friends, even back then. Caedwyn's dislike of the male had grown exponentially when Enya had taken him as a mate. Looking back now, it made sense for Caedwyn to dislike him and he wondered if perhaps it had been a deep-rooted jealousy that made him dislike Rin. But despite the dislike, he'd tolerated the male simply because it was Enya's mate. He'd tolerated the male when Rin chose to belittle him, berate him, and abuse him when he returned home injured and pursued by Athadians when he'd been caught spying on them. He hated Rin. He hated how Enya chose Rin over him and yet still, he tolerated it. He wasn't sure he could tolerate this though. Rin was still making a mockery of him, chiseling out a place in Enya's heart and making her choose Rin over himself. His jaw clenched in quiet irritation, allowing Enya to continue as he contemplated what to say about Rin. She detailed the tale of her history after she'd left Vrolga - a history Caedwyn still hadn't learned. Another relationship. Another loss. Hell, he'd even forgotten about Andromache. He was over here feeling sorry for himself over messing up this one time but Enya had endured countless heartaches. He wanted to feel sorry for her - and deep down he understood why she might be reluctant to open herself up to hurt again - but he was still angry about Rin.  Even as she explained that her unsure feelings were because she didn't want to ruin things Caedwyn felt a bit of jealousy. Was it because she was scared of a bad outcome? Or was it really because she was still stuck on Rin? Rin was a problem. He wasn't dead. He hadn't betrayed Enya. He was just simply frozen. And right now that meant Enya was frozen right there with him. She was stuck. That was all Caedwyn could think about. He sat there quietly as she directed the conversation, turning it back to him, making him decide if he wanted to accept her faults. Everything he wanted to say sounded self-serving in his mind. He wanted to be angry with her, to tell her she shouldn't be so hard on herself. He wanted to tell her to forget Rin. But all of that would hurt her and he knew it. So what was he supposed to say to that? "I can love you," he said quietly, thoughtfully. "The last time that I was... with someone..." he swallowed, his nerves suddenly getting the better of him for a moment before he continued. "... I was so drunk that I didn't even know what I was doing. I-I didn't even know it happened really. But this time - " He took a small step to the side so he could look down at her face. " - I chose this. I chose you, Enya. I've always chosen you, and I always will." With everything they'd been through, how could she not see that? Even when she'd exiled him. Even when they fought. He still kept coming back time and time again. As far as he was concerned, their fates were sealed. He felt a twist in his stomach. How was he supposed to say what was on his mind? He knew she wouldn't be happy to hear it and he didn't want her to be hurt by revealing her true feelings. But Caedwyn didn't want to lie to her either. He didn't want to stand there and pretend that it didn't bother him. "Can you love me back?" he asked, his voice clear and straightforward back. "I'm not asking you to love me today, or tomorrow even... but how can you find room in your heart to love me when you're heart is already taken?" He let out a sigh and glanced away for a moment. He continued to speak quietly, careful not to come off scolding - as much as he wanted to yell at her. This wasn't the time for yelling. It was the time for truths. "You don't know if Rin is ever coming back. Are you willing to throw away someone who is here now, right in front of you? Someone who wants to love you... all for a memory?" --- Speech.