Muddy River — The Shape of Dreams

He was looking at the dirt in front of her paws, waiting for whatever harsh words she had for him. To his surprise, her feet moved and stepped closer to him. Her voice was soft and reassuring, much different than what he'd prepared himself for. "I didn't realize... I figured that because you're you..." His embarassment was put aside for a moment at her words as he grew puzzled by what she might have meant by that. How was 'you' being used as an adjective to describe him here? What sort of wolf did she think he was exactly? Was it a good thing or a bad thing? He wasn't quite sure whether to take this as an insult or a compliment, but clearly there had been some sort of misconception between them. He supposed it made sense. Maybe she was saying she had expected him to be a little more well rounded, a little more worn and practiced. That was part of the problem that had caused all this (well that and the fact he'd suddenly started thinking about his night with Rosita in the middle of things). She was moving closer to him still. He was anxious but her tone had seemed far less angry than before. "I thought that I had done something wrong." His head lifted quickly at this. She had thought she'd done something? He'd gone and given her the completely wrong idea! "NO, you didn't do anything -" he started to interrupt her but his words cut off as she continued, and he left the soft touch of her tongue on his cheek. He had forgotten that he'd been crying and he remained still as she licked the damp tearstains from his fur. "We don't have to do this tonight." She didn't seem angry, but was this her way of pushing him away gently?  Maybe tonight wasn't going to work out but what if she pushed him away entirely now? Would he ever get the opportunity to be near her like this again? "I'm probably not ready for this yet anyways." Her words further made him spiral into self doubt and loathing. Yup. This was it. It was a polite way of saying 'no' he figured. She was saying she wasn't ready but she obviously was just saying that to save his feelings. She wasn't the problem. It was him. Yet, the more she started to explain, the more Caedwyn wondered if he was wrong. His heart was on a rollercoaster of hope and doubt, embarrassment, blame, and fantasies. He didn't want whatever-this-was between them to be over, so with each word his heart leapt, hoping somehow she was giving him a second chance. And at the same time, his mind shouted at him about how stupid he must have been in her eyes. She was saying she didn't want to move too fast. Was that saying they had taken things too far? But she said she was recovering. For a moment he stopped being so self absorbed in his personal pity-party to consider her feelings here. She was right. They didn't really know too much about each other. They had shared history, and somehow their paths seemed to keep crossing time and time again; but what about all the times in-between? Caedwyn hadn't learned much, if anything, about her journeys before coming to the Realm. He knew before that she had lost both Rin and Andromache, and her children were scattered to the wind. She always seemed so confident that he hadn't stopped to consider how missing those relationships were affecting her. Or rather, he'd forgotten how it must have been affecting her. Wasn't that part of why they were here? He'd promised her to make this a home for her family. How selfish was he to forget that! He wanted to be with her but she was waiting to reunite with the ones she'd lost. Maybe she was being honest when she said she wasn't ready. Maybe he'd taken things too far, too fast. But he wanted this. And it hurt to think she was slipping away from him again. "I don't want our... relationship to be surface level. Unless... that's what you want?" Relationship? So maybe things weren't completely over between them? Not long ago he'd declared her his. But with everything that had happened since, he thought maybe she'd want to end things before they even started. If that was the case, why call it a relationship? Why ask him that question? He wondered if she thought that was truly all he wanted from her. Was that how he'd come across? Sure, he'd been caught up in the moment and overcome with lust, but he'd been around beautiful wolves before without that happening. She was still talking, letting out an apology before saying something that stabbed at his heart. "I... I just thought... I thought you wanted to hurt me." She was saying something about being angry but Caedwyn was still stuck on the words before. She had though... he wanted to hurt her? "Don't ever say that," he said abruptly, with a sharp tone. Despite his nervousness, he felt compelled to comfort her. He raised from his sitting position to stand, taking a step forward and pushing his neck into the side of hers and wrapping his head around the top of her neck. He always forgot she was smaller than him and it was easy for him to lean over her in a reassuring touch. Her personality always made her seem so much larger than she actually was. "Don't even think that. I've never wanted to hurt you," At first he said it almost with a scolding tone but it transformed into a more vulnerable confession. "And I never meant to make you feel like I'm just trying to use you. That's not what I want either." His heart was beating fast again, not with lust but with a feeling of vulnerability as he tried to lay out his feelings for her. "I-I'll wait, if that's what you want." He was scared saying the words and it came out like he was putting it all on her, when really he was the one who had messed up. He knew if he hadn't messed up, they probably wouldn't even be having this conversation. "You don't have to hide what you want from me. You're mine right?" He said the last part with his voice trembling. "That means we're in this together... right?" He needed to know if this was over. Was she ready to trust him? To keep him by her side? Or had he ruined everything? --- Speech.