Muddy River — The Shape of Dreams

She wasn't sure if it was the word that she said, or if it was how she said it that caused Caedwyn to finally face her, to see what he'd done to her. When he did, she expected to see him grinning ear to ear. She expected to see a wicked glint in his eye. 'You stupid bitch, you'd been so gullible, that's why' her mind made up. She had expected him to round and laugh at her. She hadn't expected for him to turn his head, for there to be water in his eyes, for his cheeks to be dampened. Was this some sort of continuation of the joke? He had already won and humiliated her. What more was there to play? No, she forced into her mind. Caedwyn was intelligent, but he wasn't cruel. Had she been making things up in her head about the situation? Had she completely misunderstood what had happened just now between them? Enya felt a small sense of hope swell inside her chest, hope that she was wrong. Hope that she had simply misunderstood the whole situation. Intermingled was a dash of relief. None of it stopped her beating heart in her chest, however. None of it helped to steady her quickened breaths. "I must be a little rusty" he spoke as he frowned and turned his eyes downward. Enya's lips fell to cover her teeth, but her mouth remained open slightly. Rusty? He was rusty? That's what had happened just now? For the first time tonight, her mind stopped thinking about her, and started thinking about him. She had no idea what sort of past Caedwyn held, what sort of experiences he had. It was easy to draw the lines that she was quite experienced, given her history in Vrolga alone. If one had watched her closely enough, they would have seen her down at the docks in Casfura, drinking her woes away and finding comfort in physical contact when her heart had been damaged and broken. She could see how it could be intimidating. Maybe... just maybe Enya wasn't the only one struggling with the whole situation. Caedwyn outwardly had appeared so confident and sure, but hadn't she as well? She'd spent the whole afternoon debating on going through with what had almost happened, and hadn't let Caedwyn see a second of it. Could it be that he'd been suffering the same fate for different reasons? "This is kind of new for me. I haven't really had practice with... this" he confirmed. Enya stared at Caedwyn, unsure of how to react to the news. She didn't care, in all honesty. It wasn't about how much practice one had with intimacy that mattered to her, not in regards to Caedwyn. Brothels were a different story. They were professionals, and there was a standard to meet. But with him? She didn't care at all. In fact, a huge sense of relief washed over Enya. If that was the reason for why he'd abruptly left her, then the horrible thoughts that her mind had made up likely weren't true. He wasn't playing some cruel joke on her. He wasn't playing her as a fool. He was wounded, judging by the tears in his eyes. Probably embarrassed, if she had to guess.  She suddenly felt like shit for growling at him the way that she had. She'd made the whole thing about herself, instead of realizing that just maybe Caedwyn was going through shit as well. She closed her mouth and took a careful step towards Caedwyn, her tail still between her legs. Her ears folded back on her head as she took another step towards Caedwyn. She was doing everything in her power to show him that despite her growl earlier, she meant him no harm. "Caed, that's ok" she spoke softly as she took another step closer. "I didn't realize... I figured that because you're you..." She figured that because he was handsome, that because he was strong, that because he was desirable he'd had all sorts of opportunities presented to him. "I thought," She thought that he'd been evil towards her. She thought that he was pulling off the ultimate joke with her. "I thought that I had done something wrong." Another step closer. "We don't have to do this tonight." She was beside him now, lifting her muzzle to lick away the dampened fur on the cheeks of his face. "I'm probably not ready for this yet anyways." She rubbed the top of her head underneath his jaw, lifting his head from the drooped state he held it in. It was easy, him being taller than her. "I don't want to move to fast when I'm finally getting to know you." She pulled her head away to try and find his eyes. "You deserve someone who can give their selves to you fully. I don't know if I can do that just yet. I'm still recovering. I don't want our... relationship" She was hesitant to use the word, to imply that she was trying to infer something that wasn't there yet, but found herself unable to substitute another, "To be surface level. Unless... that's what you want?" She tried to read his eyes as she posed the question, tried to infer his true intentions in his answer. She sighed. "I'm sorry for growling at you. I... I just thought... I thought you wanted to hurt me. You know me. It's easier for me to be angry than to show how upset I am."  "Speech."